Hard day.

Last week, I was feeling so hopeful. Today, I'm in the Slough of Despond. I've been struggling with this weight problem for so long, and I'm in stasis. I'm trying, so I think, but I guess not hard enough. The immediate precipating factor is our trip to the zoo yesterday. The National Zoo is beautiful, but it's also on a hill. It's not designed for people like me, who struggle with pain on walking. My husband was concerned about me, and kept trying to cut our visit short, even though I was doing my best not to drag everyone down and hold everyone up. His tension, because of my pain, was rising; he broke out into hives for no reason; our children started being snarky and whining. Meanwhile, I was lurching along with a smile plastered onto my face which he said looked like the rictus of death.

I went to bed last night in pain, woke up in pain, and went grocery shopping, clutching the cart for support. I had intended to get up and do some free step for a half hour before the children got up, but that didn't happen (thank you Daylight Savings Time).

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. It's very frustrating and, honestly, I don't see a way out for me. I'm in a bad place today. Please pray for me.