Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Heavy Heart

Just when I was feeling pretty good about myself, and what I'm doing, this happens. Chickadee #1 had a friend over for a play date and early dinner. As the children were eating, the friend said, "Chickadee #1, I think you are going to look like your mom when you grow up." Chickadee #1 leaned over and whispered something into her friend's ear, and wouldn't tell me what she had said. I let the matter drop, but at bath time (which just started), I asked again what she had said. She hesitated to tell me until I said, "I won't be upset no matter what it was." Then my beloved daughter, my whipcracker smart, funny, talented little girl, my five year old said, "I said 'Except I won't be fat." I just replied, "Oh." and left the room. Now I'm recording the shame and sadness into the permanent (well, digital) record as I sit at my keyboard crying. How pathetic.

I guess I just have to look at this as an impetus for further, permanent change. But oh how it hurts.

And it's sad to know that while, in my imagination, I look like the person in the WHFS T-shirt, I really look the like person in the blue sleeveless number. What the heck was I thinking? Sigh.


  1. I was helping out in one of my kid's classes not too long ago when one of the little girls looked at me and said, "Wow, those jeans are really big. What size are they?"

    I died a little bit inside.

    I tell you this so you know that you're not alone and that I understand how it feels. I'm sorry. But, like you, I'm choosing to use it as a motivator. And I haven't even lost 7 pounds recently like you, so keep on keepin' on. You can do it. We both can. :)

  2. The innocence of kids can be rough - You'll do this Colleen. I know you will.

  3. My youngest introduced me to her new friend and her friend's mom, who is expecting by saying, "This is my mommy. She has a big tummy too, but there's no baby inside. Just jelly."

    Just like our husbands can look at us, shrug and say we look fine or even hot, our sons act the same way. Mommy is pretty, shrug. But girls, those complicated, clued-in creatures, pick up on our feelings and fears and details with crazy antennae.