Gulp

Well, I took the plunge and registered for my college reunion which is taking place in Irving, TX at the beginning of October.

The idea is making me so nervous.  When I saw pictures from the last reunion, I really wanted to cry.  The person in those pictures is not the person I think I am.  I had a good time, but I felt like everyone was secretly commenting to themselves how absolutely terrible I looked.  I'm still scared and disappointed in myself because I had wanted to be in a different place, weight and health-wise, than I am.

But, I decided to concentrate on the fact that I always have a good time with the class of 1988 and that, in their company, I became the person I am today.  I started with a good foundation, a happy childhood in an idyllic setting, a loving family with just enough of the kookiness factor to be fun.  But the University of Dallas was the first place where I felt that the true me stepped up and introduced herself.  I was able to love school and learning there without being denigrated as a brain.  I was able to be innocent and goofy and sweet and awkward and not be considered a nerd (okay, maybe I was considered a nerd, but we all kind of prided ourselves on the nerd factor -- one of the cheers for our basketball team included the word "Schopenhauer").  I was able to be pious and loving and faithful to God and not be called a goody-goody.  At UD, I made friendships that last to this day, 25 years later (gulp).  And for that I'm grateful and because of that, I'm trusting that my friends won't judge me and that people who do judge me can just go to hell (Just kidding).  So, because I am going to Texas, to parties and such (not my usual lifestyle, I can assure you), I needed a new outfit or two.

Usually, I wear clothes that scream "please don't look at me."  My fashion sense, never well-developed, has run and hidden its head.  Clothes shopping has always been excruciatingly boring for me... now it's just excruciating.  But today, I bought something completely out of character for me.  It's a dress that screams "look at me".  I hope that it looks nice on me when it arrives and I hope that I have the nerve to wear it:

With the leather midsection, it kind of has a Dune vibe, very appropriate for a reunion of a 1980s class.